At my Business

Oops 

Blue Spandex 

Me as Louise 

My life after starting cross dressing

I started cross dressing at a very early age, about 7/8 years old, but not in the traditional sense with makeup, only with things found in my mothers dresser. I suppose most Cd's start with this type of attraction that may lead to a fetish and then beyond to actually trying to look as femme as possible in this particular case.

I want to define some of my thoughts about this particular "fetish" or activity. We all for the most part use the reductionism theory that anyone with this compulsion must be gay or just into it for sexual gratification or they want to be a woman. For both extremes this may be true but then again anything carried to an extreme i.e.: religious beliefs, hobbies, work, exercise and so on can be considered fetishes also if practiced to an extreme.

Now back to my life as a CD/TV. I had always had a fascination in seeing women in foundation garments and stockings, any clothing tight and form fitting. At my age pantyhose had not yet been invented nor spandex or Lycra but there was Dacron and nylon.

When ever I was alone which was quite often, my mother worked 2-3 shifts and was a very angry and hostile person especially towards me I would raid her dresser.

Of course as with most Cd's we all develop guilt feelings and purge our collections. Probably to try to conform to what we consider traditional and normally accepting life styles. Also I think at least before the personal computer we all thought we were the only ones with this perversion or interest which of course added to our guilt.

Well, that went on for years until I got my first PC in 1999 and then the crap hit the fan so to speak. I found there were many others out there with the same interests. Either through fantasy which was the majority or some who actually felt and acted as I did. I had to share this new information with my wife. I cried as she saw the posts and talked to one person I met on line. We actually met them for dinner because they lived about 40 miles from us and we were both mature and felt it would help relive the guilt we felt by confessing our desires with both our wife's with us. I really think it helped my wife become very comfortable with the whole thing.

Then the unexpected happened. I got a call from my wife one day, it was Halloween and she told me she had a surprise for me. I was to go home, clean up, shave close and to bring one of my dresses and wig to her store, she had a friend who had a friend who was a makeup artist who was going to make me up for Halloween.

Well, I know what I look like as me and I've seen myself with a wig on and only lipstick "it ain't a pretty picture" and I was pretty reluctant to do it but still very excited to see what I might look like with a "Pro" making me up. I guess we all have high expectations.

Well, I came into her store and there was a young man gay obviously smoking with a large make up kit. He said sit down and DON'T look in the mirror till I'm done. I think he only worked on me about 45 minutes, but it took 2 hours because he was a chain smoker and would puff away in between each application he did on me. He was very determined and used techniques I would have never considered. My wife watched as the transformation progressed. Finally he put the wig on, it was one of the cheap Cher type long black wigs and combed it out. Then he said OK stand up and take a look. I don't know how to express this so that you can understand. I will try to express it as best I can. I looked and all I saw was the most beautiful person staring back at me, I never had such an emotional feeling, it was as if I was reborn, it was as if there was a splinter in my brain that I could never touch but knew it was there and someone now removed it. I just stood there and started to sob. I never cried so hard in my life, I was finally happy.

May I ask you, was that feeling sexual in nature or was it finally being satisfied with who or what you looked like. Was that a perversion or fetish or finally finding yourself. All I can say is I'm a very out and about person as Louise. I have never in the 7 years I've been CDing encountered a negative situation where in 5 minutes the other person has their arm around me and wants to be my friend.

You can belief as you want, but I have found that we all are controlled by peer pressure and collective thinking. I was also. But as Louise I go against tradition and I am a much happier person for it. It has helped bring my family closer together because now I don't have to prove that I am as tough or big as the next person. I always had a Napoleonic personality at being only 5'3 tall I had to prove my self. My son and wife had big issues with me. Now as Louise my son and his soon to be wife go out with me.

So again I ask, what is wrong with being happy?

Please if you read this suggest any comments or ask any questions you want. My focus is trying to help others understand tolerance and being your own person and living your life for you while being a credit to your family and community.

I am "Louise" and proud

I was given the honor of being asked to be the first cover girl of 2006 on "Lady Like Magazine" I want to thank publishers Jo Ann Roberts (TV) and her S/O Lady Astra (GG) and Editor Angela Gardner (TV) who met me in person and felt I deserved the attention of their fine High Quality National publication.