A touchy Situation

Over the past year I have finally met a few gurls I felt comfortable with in allowing them to accompany me to a couple of the lounges I patronize.

By doing this I risk a possibility of management asking me to either NOT bring others with me or at worse banning me from their premises. I also have a FIRM rule, please DO NOT use the "lady's room", even though the law seems to say a person with Gender ID issues (might) be allowed, I don't think the management is comfortable with a person with male genitilia and NO "F" on any identification using their Ladies room.

In my case I feel honored that management by allowing me to dress as I please as long as it's tasteful and I don't cause trouble by being or acting inappropriate. To me this signals to the other patrons I fit in. To me that is like proving I'm respected for who I am and that it is assumed by management I will conduct myself in a proper way and respectively I don't push my limits.

I did NOT want to post about this subject for fear of not conveying it properly and maybe upsetting people I consider friends who are TG (Transgendered) similar to now the famous Bruce Jenner aka "Caitlyn", but last night one of my guests who seems to be able to convey important subjects better than I sent me their take on a possibly explosive situation that occurred with their visit.

"Her thoughts"

I wrote and posted this to my blog tonight and thought you'd appreciate my thoughts. Hope you are well.

Summer oh sweet summer.  How I wish I could wear a sleeveless shift dress and sandals to work.  It’s too hot to be traipsing around in male business mode.  Summer is made for women and the female wardrobe.  Bare legs feeling the caress of gentle warm breezes, painted toes peeking playfully from the front of my wedge sandals.

Out with friends and en femme all weekend was fulfilling, gratifying and rewarding.  Making new friends and solidifying existing friendships always lifts my spirits.  Thank you my sister friends for supporting me.  I love you more than words can convey.

For two weeks consecutively I was presented with a dilemma that my cranial capacity struggled to absorb.  The sponge of gray matter may need a tune up.  Please read this carefully and heed these thoughts that come not from me but through me from others who are closer to matters of importance than your scribe.

Presentation makes or breaks people, places and things.  How we present not only impacts us, it impacts the group we represent and reflects directly on venues we frequent, their proprietors, their patrons and ultimately on our acceptance.

Yes I know all about First Amendment rights, freedom of expression and all those platitudes the founders chose to craft into the Constitution of The United States.  Factions believe they have the absolute right to express in any way they feel, regardless of the appropriateness of such form of expression.

 

Can we be oblivious to the sensitivities of others in our pursuit of free speech?  We’ve discussed battles and wars in the context of being technically right but realistically wrong.  You can’t think putting people at risk by making a spectacle of yourself is cool or welcome.

Family venues are expected to be wholesome and safe for children of all ages.  Would you bring your child(ren) to locales where clientele dress questionably?  Think of Disney World with ladies of the evening strolling through the streets giving new meaning to the term “Magic Kingdom”. You, your family and your children would find that repulsive, right? Respectability may be in the eye of the beholder.  We must heed such sensitivities even if it means we lengthen our skirt to acceptable heights (not mini-skirt level) and our neckline (above “open for business” plunge) to leave some things to the imagination.

Our money is green like everyone else’s.  Our dollars become more welcome when we blend in with the surroundings, not stand out or call attention to ourselves in negative ways.  I blanche, and so should you, when proprietors tell us we are not dressed appropriately for their establishment.  One such proprietor was particularly and rightfully incensed by scantily clad ladies who failed to read the clientele.  There’s a time and a place to dress suggestively.  That place is not in public where families gather.  At least one proprietor have been burned by callous and thoughtless expression of First Amendment rights.  That is one business owner too many.  Her dinner traffic is down precipitously and she is now struggling to make ends meet.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Yes I’m quoting scripture because it’s appropriate.  If you were the shop owner and your livelihood was being jeopardized by improper actions, would you be sanguine and gladly sacrifice your financial security for a few strays who refused to think lucidly about how to present themselves in your establishment?

When a shop owner loses customers because of something untoward we do, that owner will be less welcoming and maybe hostile.  Oh and in case this is lost on you, their clientele will be tilted against us as well.  Still feeling self-righteous?

We cannot afford to upset the delicate balance because once tipped away from us there may be no amount of effort to encourage the scale to tip towards us.

 

I respect shop owners who welcome us.  I will jealously protect those relationships and will screen my invitees.  If a member of our community invites you to partake with them at a venue they have cultivated and this member requests your dress and actions to fall within her defined limits, you need to heed her request or beg off.  She’s asking for all the right reasons.  You may not agree but if you value her friendship you will comply. We need to wholeheartedly agree that we will function as a monolithic unit in these matters otherwise we will not make progress towards universal acceptance.

There’s no negotiation or debate about this.  Yes I’m adamant.  I can be petulant about what I believe to be right.  I hope you will be part of the continuing solution.  It means the world to everyone in our community and it also legitimizes our claims for parity.

Let me know if you have thoughts you would like to discuss.