My (so called) Cycling Friends

I've been aware of monitoring of my Blog by my Cycling group (I intentionally leave out calling them) friends, colleagues, buddies or any other noun, due to their treatment of me and the only one person I can call Friend. He thinks they ostracize him because we're friendly and he'll inform me of any private rides, so they chose not to invite him, how FU*KING petty is that.

Over the years I have always struggled to ride bicycle, especially with this group for a couple reasons, one, they are extremely strong and focused, also most are younger than me (but that's an excuse I use, when I trained regularly I was just as good), the other important reason for it being a struggle for me is I'm definitely not respected for any of my endeavors to be "one of the guys", they cut me no breaks, but that's pretty much so with most of them, although some do get special treatment and it's deserving.

The whole concept of these people is really a paradox, most of them are (unfortunately) dealing with private issues they and I prefer not to mention in any venue. I on the other hand tend to be VERY open about anything in my life, possibly they fear my courage or just pass me off as a lunatic.

Well guess what, I don't consider myself courageous and I don't know if I ever met anyone who wasn't abnormal, we all have some CRAP or baggage we're dealing with, isn't that normal? I just chose to not care and I'll tell you why I don't care what anyone thinks.

When I was in business I was (metaphorically) screwed every day, did anyone come to my rescue, NO. I had the State and Federal EPA at my door for years and it cost me a small fortune, was anyone there, NO. I sold my business and my lawyer must have set me up and sent a subordinate who knew nothing about the deal and allowed the buyers to dictate the terms, was anyone there, NO. And I don't even want to get into my and my wife's heath issues is anyone there to help, even with advise, NO. So why the FU*K would I care what anyone thinks about what makes me happy.

One other BIG issue I have as long as I'm on this tirade, I don't mind being used as a "dart board" for people making comments that anyone else would consider "fighting words", I just accept it as part of my payment for associating with this group. BUT, when I made a joking comment to one person about his rude and unkind gesture towards a woman being overweight riding a bike as we passed her, he came back and physically accosted me. Oh sure, I could have done a few things, I could have tried to physically addressed it (and probably lost), I could or should have called the cops (right, any pussy could do that and where would that go), or I could have tried to mitigate it as I tried (even though I did nothing wrong) but my gestures were rejected, if this was Hollywood I would have been considered a HERO, but my life ain't no movie so I've learned to accept pain and my little hell I live in.

 JUST don't reject the other guy because he's friends with me.

Last Night Out as Lou

I rarely go out as Lou for Karaoke, but last night was one of them, and Lou doesn't like to sing, but he did "Singing in the Rain" last night.




I went up to the bar for our beverages and I'm next to a person who has seen be at the restaurant as long as we've been going there, about 1 1/2 years. He usually (intentionally) avoids and any eye contact or conversation with me. Last night he, apparently felt more comfortable starting a conversation with me.



The first thing was he offered seasons greetings and a hand shake, a good ice breaker, then he said, "I really don't get the whole Louise thing". I said the easiest way for me to try and explain it, it's just a low self esteem condition that I deal with by altering the way I look, it has nothing to do with anything else. We said a few other things all contrite and as I left we shook hands again and hugged each other and as left friends
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About a half hour later I walked around the bar (as I mentioned I like to talk with people). I came up on 2 ladies who have known me for a few years from the old place we went before the storm Sandy took it. The older and smaller one usually isn't very talkative with me. Last night she had to let me have it. She said, I don't know why, but I just LOVE you, you're always smiling, you're so happy you make me smile, you're contagious and I'm so happy to know you, thank you. Holly Mackerel from just a casual hello for years to all that, I was really taken back, remember I'm the one with the low self esteem, I'm the one looking for people to accept and in 30 minuets 2 people are complimenting and thanking me for letting them into my life, I'm the one who is confused now.




It's been my experience for the past 18 years of cross-dressing and meeting every type of person from all walks of life, that most people view me as a "train wreck" at first, not sure what to do, how to react, if to do anything at all, but one thing everyone has in common, they are drawn to want to know me. They see that I'm not a threat. Maybe not the first time, but after they see me a few times they just have to start talking with me to see WTF I am all about. What would cause someone to take the time, risk their safety, look so comfortable, and appear so happy in doing something that most people would rather jump off the Brooklyn Bridge instead of being caught cross-dressing.




Maybe it's because of the Christmas season.

Friday night at the Anchorage

Normally (if anything in my life is normal), I go out en-fem to a local "straight" restaurant/lounge nearby. The eclectic array or clientele (all straight as far as I know) are VERY accepting of me.

Two weeks ago I got cleaned up to go out but when my wife got home she was feeling very poorly. She has some type of middle ear condition and to test her they blew air into her ears for a balance test, well it worked, she became way out of balance and had terrible vertigo, the only remedy is time and rest.

I was so bored I figured I would venture out as Lou in "Drab", but a little androgynous. I usually wear women's jeans and some type of women's blouse or spandex top and jacket, I included a pair of women's riding boots this night too.

I like to cruse the bar just to see who's there and sometimes get into a conversation, being retired can be a little boring at times especially if you no longer have nearby or close friends, so meeting people in a social setting at least can occupy your time and with no commitment.

As I was walking towards 2 lady's sitting at a "high top" table, one girl exclaims her interest in my boots, well I knew she wanted to start a conversation and I replied that I liked her boyish hair cut. I thought it was a compliment because I really do like the androgynous look on some women, she said, so you're saying I look like a boy! I replied, well maybe you think I'm gay because of my boots. We went back and forth for about an hour breaking each others balls. She also noticed my nails so I gave her one of my Louise business cards.

It turns out they both work at Ancora State Mental Hospital as nurses, as you can see from the picture, the one with the short hair had to check to see if I was nuts, or is that if I had nuts.