Some Deep Stuff, please read

Trust me, I'm as far from being a philosopher as a person can be, besides that, I can make a short story very long, so please try to follow, if you're interested.
I was going to post a very derogative message here about last week, one of the guys I ride bike with mentioned that he was forwarded my Blog page by a mutual acquaintance. He also mentioned they were having a good laugh over the phone about my "Life as Louise". I don't need to get into a verbal battle, I'd never win anyway, as far as most of the world is concerned I'm wrong because of what I do. But I have fun with it and have found many people who can think for themselves contrary to peer pressure and have come to love the courage I display to be myself.
As Lou, I've always wanted to be taller, stronger, better looking, have friends (that's my main desire) but for some reason was never able to have any of those attributes. I guess when a person or people have never faced so many NATURAL challenges they don't understand the additional struggle a person goes through and what they will do to just be accepted.
As I said, I was going to make this a hostile post, but for some reason, last week and also last night, the guys seemed to be a little nicer to me, for the first time in about 10-12 years since I shared Louise with them, they voluntarily started small conversations with me, I'm still not invited on one of the trips coming up, but just the fact they talked with me brought an emotional feeling to me. Now a second part.
This past Monday I went to the Ram's Head, I've always gone as Louise, quite a few people didn't recognize me and tended to be a little stand offish, even the one who always hugs me and wants a conversation with me. Then my friend Barbara, who I helped come out about 2 1/2 years ago was standing near the bar, I was staring at her feeling sure she'd look at me and laugh, instead she looked over with an expression of "what the hell are you looking at" on her face, I said what's your problem, her jaw dropped, she said "it's the voice" others have said that to me too. She had no idea it was Lou/Louise, she's seen Lou's pictures and known me for over 2 years and still didn't recognize Lou.
She called tonight and said, you know, I always thought you were over stating your comments about being abused, mistreated, disrespected as Lou, now I understand. She reminded me of a few weeks ago when we were having dinner at Good Fellows in Absecon and the owner stopped to talk with us, he asked where I had been and then said, Louise, when you walk in here, you own the place, you're a queen, everyone knows you or wants to. Then Barb said as Lou, your 4 feet tall, as Louise you're 10 feet tall, I really understand you now. How could I not break down.
All I want, as I've repetitively said in my Blog, all I want is to be accepted, I've done all I can, even changed my appearance, risked everything in life to be happy, why must people think it's a perversion, I'm not the one who sees myself as a sexual deviant, it's the way peoples minds and eyes see me that possibly they are the ones who become the deviants and maybe see me as an attractive person. It's funny, there are many fairy tails about dual persona's, one recent one that comes to mind is Shrek, another is one about a handsome prince who was turned into a frog until a princess kissed him, I just can't remember the others right now, but were they considered "sexual deviants, they're metaphors about real life, I just live them for real.
As I've said before "Life is a paradox"
I'm just Lou trying to find happiness through Louise.

Saturday night with my Hero

Saturday evening we were invites to join some friends at a restaurant we hadn't been to. As we walked in and came over to our friends table abut 6 people come over to me who recognized me from my business and also as Louise. I was very surprised at how well I was received in this very straight lounge and by people I hadn't seen in years. A few others came over as the evening progressed probably 15 people in all.
One of my very bad tendency's is I meet so many people but just for a very short time, maybe an hour at most and it's impossible to remember them all. I wish I could develop a way to remember them, I don't want to have people think I'm rude by not remembering who they are. Anyway, it turned out good and I always like when my wife is with me and see's first hand how respectful people are to me. After all she's the one who transformed me and I owe my life and happiness to her, she is definitely my HERO.

One way to piss my wife off

Friday night my wife and I went to dinner at Max's Steak House at the Trump Plaza, have to say it was good, but it was restaurant week so it was half price, our bill came out to 115.00 dollars, so we're not regulars.
After dinner I needed the rest room, it was down the hall. I went into the "Men's Room" yes I could have done the lady's but I'm not that convincing, besides I love the reaction I get from men when I'm in there. As I started to enter there was an older lady sitting waiting for her husband who was in the men's room, she tried to inform me it was the men's room, I said in my Lou voice, it's OK, I have one of those things myself.
I came out of the booth to check my makeup, I needed to touch up my eye's, 3 men about 30-45 seconds apart walked in then saw me and started to excuse themselves, thinking they were in the lady's room and turn to leave, I said it's OK, come in. From my voice they figured I was a guy.
My wife and I had to go down an escalator to the show room, the husband and lady who told me about the rest room was in a wheel chair her husband had parked it near the escalator that my wife was going down, the lady apologized about not realizing I was a guy and then asked if I was with my "MOTHER", I called down to my wife and said hey mom, the lady wants to know if you're my mother, well Millie was a little pissed at me, gee I didn't do anything wrong. I corrected the lady. I told her that was the 5 Th time someone thought my wife was my mother. We just had a very short conversation, it was nice to interact with people who never met someone like me in person, I think, it was a good experience for them.
After the show I was invited by a friend who is a wrestling coach to join him and some friends at the Liquid Bar where he introduced me to a bunch of people.

The Thrift Shop

If I haven't mentioned yet, I usually go to the Thrift Shop in my area about once a week, it does become a compulsion. Most people know me both ways so when they see me "grazing" in the woman's area they just smile and some help find something they think would look nice on me.
I happened to go last week dressed as Louise, I've shown my pictures to an older Irish woman, very Catholic type, she tends to be some what critical but not rude when I show her a new picture, I like doing that for the shock value besides I have nothing to hide anyway. She's only seen my pictures as I said, but last Wednesday I was walking down an isle and she was at the other end, I looked forward and there she was with her mouth wide open. She said, OMG, you really look good, she said I love your hair, I need to get a wig like that. The interesting thing here is, when seeing me as Lou and a picture, she tended to be a little critical or concerned about my mental health, but in person, she was so over whelmed by seeing me in "Real Time" that it all made sense to her.
As I was walking towards the center isle I passed a VERY heavy set woman, the type who had a mustache, she called over to her husband or brother, not sure which because they looked identical, both were around 250-260# about 5'6 tall and both needed a shave. I knew her motive, she made me (I never said I was passable, but I do make a good presentation), they had to do a pass by, it was very obvious to me more so than I am obvious as a cross dresser. So the guy says, what is this country coming to, I couldn't let it go, I answered, hey pal, maybe you and your wife should look in a mirror, and then you may want to try dressing like me. Of course I caught them off guard and the shuffled away.