Friday Night at the Trap

I love going to the Crab Trap, it's about the straightest place in the country and usually no conflicts like last week, anyway, as usual I like to walk around the bar, it's fairly large and possibly 60-70 people will be seated around it.

As I came around on one of my trips there was a middle aged woman who stared at me as I approached her and then swung around as I walked behind her. Being polite I felt I had to introduce myself and asked if she knew me or if we had met before. She said "no" you're just an incredibly beautiful woman. Well I really know better, I may look OK, but I doubt I'm great (maybe I am) I said, but I'm a guy, she repeated herself. Now anyone who has met me knows I don't try to disguise my voice, although I may automatically soften it, so I figured she was just complimenting me about my ability to present my self en femme, but she really thought I was a woman.

I finally convinced her (not the way you want to think) that I was a male and it turned out she was an old costumer of mine (she really changed, LOL), we must have talked an hour and she told me she always had a secret crush on me but I always seemed be be rude towards her. I think the issue I had was I really didn't respect her for her carrying on with different men and her habits and just had no interest. Bottom line was she gave me her phone number to call her anytime. As I always say, I'm just a lesbian but I doubt I'll ever call her.

Louise

So many things happen I forget

A week or so before Christmas Millie and Louise were invited to a house party, the lady was an ex classmate of mine from high school. She was so impressed (blush) with Louise she wanted Louise again at her home, But that's not this story.

As we were getting ready to leave (I was all dressed in a tight red spandex number) our dogs start going crazy (we have 3 Italian Greyhounds), there was a dog about their size a miniature pincher (I had one once) with a little jacket on that read happy "Howodays" and a red collar. He wanted to come in and play, we had no idea where he was from and when we let him in our 3 were on him like "white on rice".

There was no way we were going to keep him in our home and go out, something would have happened, so we called the police and they disclaimed any responsibility, so I figured we'd take him there anyway and just dump him in their laps. The dispatcher finally called animal rescue but said we would need to wait about 20 minutes before they arrived. So I sat with the dog in my lap. All of a sudden cops started arriving at the station and coming in the front door and out from the back, I know they weren't checking the dog out, the dispatcher had called all the cops in to check me out. It was humorous to see the expression on their faces as they tried to make small talk about the dog without laughing. As far as I'm concerned I thought it was great, because little do they know, I know the mayor personally and even have my picture with him as Louise and also the ex city administrator who's father I've known for many, many years.

So many things happen I forget

A

Closed Minds

What's interesting, is it's the so called "straight community" that tends to have the issues, not the alternitive one's. You rarely hear of a gay male or a Lesbian intimidating someone because they don't like their lifestyle, religon or race, but contrary to that, straight people are most often the ones who have those issues. This is a post from 3 of us who experianced from someone his rath of unhappines in his life (whatever it is), possibly, he needs to put a dress on.

Last night I had a chance to go to a local restaurant with two ofthe girls. Everything was going fine, most of the dinner's knew of CuteLouise and had no problem with any of the girls being there as long aswe were respectful of the other dinners. An older gentleman sat besideme and started the 'usual' conversation. "Are you two girls from aroundhere?' 'No? , Well you look lovely" THEN he made Louise. THEN hisattitude did a COMPLETE 360. His first comment..."Is that a MAN?" Isaid 'it's Aunt Louise' He then went on a complete tirade of vulgarlanguage! I said , No, I T's not a sick person, It IS my AUNTLOUISE. I was completely floored! I turned my back on him andcontinued to speak with Louise and Heather. NOW he has made Heather.The tirade gets worst. I now am trying my best not to turn around andget ugly but I don't. As hard as it was....I didn't. We were guests.We were ladies. Finally, the 'gentleman' decides to leave. As he isleaving, his last comment to me was "YOU are a sick mother F*c*er forcoming here with these sick freaks!" I responded with "Well, it was apleasure to meet you" (I was trying very hard to remain civil) Hisresponse was "Well it was NOT a pleasure to me YOU!" He then saidsomething crude to Aunt Louise. (I really didn't hear what) Then stormedout. I thought this world had come SO far with acceptance of anydifferent religions, race and personal choices. It's strange. I guesswe take places like "The Palms" "Georgie's" and "Paradise" for granted.Yes. Georgie's and Paradise are 'gay' clubs. But we have always seemedwelcomed there. The staff at the Palms have little problems with us.We were accepted at the restaurant...But it only took ONE person with aextreme prejudice to CREATE a problem. I was ready to leave. I wantedto cry. We stayed. We talked to some of the 'regulars' who had noissues with 'us'. But honestly..the night was kind of blown for me.I'm not going to be in a huge hurry to go back there.


Well, last night Louise invited us to go out with her to one of her > regular haunts, so we figured why not? We arranged for a babysitter > (camp Grandma) and got ourselves ready to go out. Since it was more of a > casual place, I decided to go with jeans, boots, and a form fitting top > along with my really long brunette wig. We headed to Louise's to BS with > Millie for a few before heading out for some fun.> > When we got to the bar (and restaurant, it was a bit of a classy place > really), we found a pair of stools along one side of the bar so we sat > down and ordered some wine. It didn't take long to figure out why these > stools were open.. They were right in front of the side door. Every time > someone would go in or out, we'd get hit with a blast of 20-something > degree air. After a few minutes of this, we spotted 2 stools that had > opened up on the far side, so we moved over there. Rain sat to my left, > and there was an older guy to her left eating his dinner. He made small > talk, asking what brought us there, etc. I told him that Aunt Louise > invited us down for a few drinks. He then asked if we were sisters.. LOL > We explained that no, Aunt Louise was more of an adopted aunt than a > real aunt. Up until this point the guy was very friendly and chatty with us.> > About this time, Louise came over to see what we were up to and the guy > quickly realized that Louise was a guy. He started making crude comments > (most of which I couldn't hear). One comment which I caught a piece of > had something to do with "trans" something. I could see that the guy > seemed a bit agitated and Rain turned toward me and started to ignore > the guy. I figured he had some sort of issue with us, but didn't know > what exactly. Rain was getting ready to get the bartender's attention > and maybe get a manager. After a couple of minutes, the guy got up and > said something to the effect of us being sick (expletive deleted). As he > grabbed his food and walked off past Louise (who was standing behind the > stools we were at), he made a comment to Louise something like "You're a > sick &#@&#." Louise got pissed and kind of shoved the guy on the > shoulder to tell him he was being a jerk. The guy repeated his sentiment > again as he turned back to glare at us. I started to get off my stool > and gave the guy one of those looks that says "don't even think about > it". The guy said something else rather crude and I told Louise to let > it go, which thankfully she did. We certainly didn't need a fight at the > bar (not that we would have had a problem, as they know Louise there and > we were not the ones causing trouble). The guy backed down and stormed > off making comments as he left.> > A little bit later, the band took a break and Louise brought the female > singer over to introduce her to us and we chatted for a bit and were > generally having a good time. She was an interesting person and she > loved the fact that we were there as a couple. Rain and her chatted for > a while and we compared clothing sizes (she was smaller than me even)... LOL> > There was a couple that were in town for the weekend and Louise had met > them the night before. At one point she brought Dee over to introduce us > and such then wandered off again. A little bit later I went over to be > social with Louise and had some really good conversation with Dee and > the girl sitting next to her (who, it turns out has a gay brother and > has met some TS friends of his). At one point I went over and literally > dragged Rain over and made her be social. She was pissed about the jerk > earlier and really wanted to leave. I told her to not let one jerk ruin > her night, that the rest of the people were good people. She told them > about what happened and they said that they had seen the guy leave but > didn't know what it was about.> > I'd say we must have spent a good hour and a half talking to the girls > and Dee's husband, who also seemed to be a very decent guy. They all > thought it was great that Louise & I could get out as we were and be > happy. They definitely didn't have any issue with us and even seemed to > like us. Rain's mood seemed to improve a little after talking to them, > but I could see that she wasn't happy about the evening.>


I had asked Rain and Heather to accompany me to a restaurant/lounge that I have patronized for at least 3 years. When I had first gone in (because of my popularity) I was fortunate enough to know a few people there who were kind enough to vouch for me in the event management or someone, like the very unhappy and confused gentleman, were to have an issue.

I do have to accept some of the blame in this experience, and I want to also apologize to Rain especially, and Heather, that I tend to dress "UP" when I go out (I want to be noticed), well I was. Apparently, from Rain's comment about the man's inquiry about me, he needed her verification if I was a male. Of course Heather dressed the way she was and with her build and also sitting was considerable less obvious then I. That was when the "crap hit the fan". I'm don't tend to have the same self control as a lot of people do, as a matter of fact my cycling group nick named me "Bulldog" I won't stand for rudeness or judgmental people as far as this lifestyle goes. I realize it's not the best approach and I risked bringing, not only on myself, but Rain and Heather, or anyone in our lifestyle some scrutiny, but I am reactive and impulsive. As this person walked by me and made his little remark I forearmed him, just enough to make him realize that just because we're men in a dress we're not pussy's. Maybe it was wrong and I'm glad it didn't go further.

Fortunately it pretty much went unnoticed and we were to talk with other more sociable people, who tended to be 180 deg's of the other person and very interested in talking with the 3 of us.

Unfortunately, people all have different (negative) views about a lot of things, if they have a "combative persona" and are controlled by peer groups, or something that caused their thought possesses to not realize everyone has their own baggage, and will take any road to help relieve their pain, or make themselves happy. Another observation from the other night makes me realize, that we and anyone who sees us, loses sight that we are usually very active, reliable, dependable and up standing citizens who pay taxes and rarely cause a burden on society.

I just feel sorry after about 4-5 months of getting my friends to come down for a nice evening they had to be subjected to this type of experience.

Louise

Christmas Party 2008

Our party was a blast. I had invited 4 people from the Crab Trap where I go most Fridays and Saturdays, most of these people only know Louise for about 3-4 years. Well about 25 of them came, I was really impressed that people would come to a "Cross Dressers" home without reservation because the accept her so much. I was very grateful.

We had about 75+ people here and I would have to say it was a great success, I got to bed about 1 AM and my wife, her friend and an old Friend of mine went to bed at 3:30 when he left.

Friday Lunch

Friday 12/12/08 I asked my friend Heather to lunch. She had to pick me up at the car dealership where I had my car for instillation of some accessory's I had purchased.

When I had driven into the shop I was greeted by the service writer I had talked with two days before (Wednesday) he greeted me and started to write a work order up as he walked around my car and then realise who I was by the time he got back to the front door, he said politely "I didn't recognize you"

I waited in the show room till Heather picked me up and introduced her to two of the sales people. We went to our usual place in Somers Point, I go there with my insurance man too and I'm known both ways. As we were waiting for our lunch two my my old costumers came in as couples but not together, One of them is a plastic surgeon who has all his photography on the walls of the restaurant, he does outstanding work and does his own printing.

I had to use the rest room, I used the men's because in a small place like that most. I assume realize I'm a guy, But Heather said as I walked to the rest room I did turn heads and she said one person was going to go in also but walked away when the saw me enter.

The other couple were customers from about the first till last day with me at my business, as we left I had to present myself to them, the doctor had already met me and they were involved with eating and I used decorum rather than make a pest out of myself, he had already acknowledged my when they first walked in. I walked up the the gentleman and offered my hand and he apprehensively shook it and asked, do I know you (Heather was next to me) before I had a chance to say anything his wife said "it's Lou from the service station" I have to admit the gentlemen didn't really know what to say or do, he had a totally blank look on his face, it was a classic, do I laugh, smile, run, he was very confused. His wife said at least twice, "you look great" I was very satisfied with the out come of comments.

After that I asked Heather if she would help me set up my wife's karaoke equipment for a party we were having Saturday, Millie met us at home and it only took a few Min's to set it up. Heather had to get home so she dropped me back at the dealership.

I had time to kill and a new bakery just opened nearby, I stopped in just to see how it was and as I was waiting to order some bread a person comes over and says "Hi Louise, it's Jerry Gormly" he's the ex senators brother, a moment later the Senators son Shawn walks over and says "Hi Louise" I look at their table and there was the senator, yes, I went over and he said hi ya Louise and gave me a hand shake. It's very difficult to express the felling you get being recognized to high powered people in normal situations, but in a very crowed restaurant where everyone knows someone like this Senator and me as Louise was just beyond words.

Cycling Club Christmas banquit

I belong to two Cycling groups, one is a club with what would be considered B class riders and the other who consider themselves elite are A+ riders, the A+ group have an issue with Louise and have, for the most part ostracized me (oh well, their loss). The other group which is about 50+ members have absolutely no issue with Louise and welcome her.

Another point is that I was the only incumbent of all the offices reelected to my post as "Club Photographer"

This group has three of us named Lou and we felt it would be interesting if we had our picture together (My wife Millie was the photographer).

Biker Bar II

If you've followed my posts I had gone to a Biker Bar about a month ago. Well I return where the same big white hair Biker approached me again. This time I asked if we could have our picture together. One of his (so called) friends made a comment to him, "you ain't right". As you know, a picture is worth a thousand words, so you'll understand what was meant by the comment.

Louise in Church

Saturday night I had planed on going to Diabloique, without getting into a long story, I didn't. Instead I had noticed that there was an African dance group performing at a Church about 20 Min's from our home. I figured I like some of that high energy music and it would be interesting to go as Louise, what was the worse that would happen, would I be rejected by a group who preaches accepting everyone.

It was a very nice event, I'm not sure if anyone noticed me, but my wife Millie said she saw one woman and a younger male who she said she though could have been gay checking me out.

It was about a 2 hour, very energy packed event, lots of jumping and kicking, almost like martial art's. I guess from where they come from (Kenya) you need to protect yourself.

Their tour leader a (Caucasian) lady explained that they do this for donations only and are in this country for one year. They're air far is donated to them, when they get home they share everything they collected with not only all of their family's which are layers deep but also with the villages. She said they live in those corrugated steel shacks with only 3 rooms where you may have 20+ plus people. It really makes you think how good we have it here even with the taxes we pay.

I forgot to have Millie take a picture of me in the church but I have one of the dancers.

The Biker Bar

I had been invited to a restaurant where the owner was introducing a new chief, they offered "free" (that's the operative word here) Hors D'Oeuvre's and a cash bar. I was somewhat apprehensive about attending but I know the owner personally and he said the upstairs area was much different than downstairs. The downstairs is a "Biker Bar" and one of the qualifications to be a waitress there is to have as many tattoos as possible showing and to drink and fight like a man. In other words, I'm 5'3, and was scared to death (not really) walking into the joint.

And as to my better judgement, as soon as I walked in an older lady recognized me and started talking with me at the door, within 5 seconds a huge man about 6' and a good 250# with a white beard, Harley Motor Cycle shirt, and a bottle of beer in his hand came over, put his arm around my shoulders and said "honey, I'd do anything for you" he was much more explicit than that, but you can use your imagination. I declined his offer and wiggled up the stairs (I love being a bitch).

I was very impressed with the upstairs, it was crowded and the people were what you would consider average, although the Mayor was there, we know each other because I used to do business with him for about 30 years. He usually tends to be obnoxious, not only to me but everyone, but I was pleasantly surprised, he greeted me with a hand shake and hug and even introduced me to a couple people. I don't like to overstay my welcome so I stepped away and ordered a glass of wine next to him, he may have though I was out of hearing range when I heard him say to the people near him "Lou was one of the best auto techs in the area and a great guy, I really like him". I have to say I was impressed.

The rest of the 1-1/2 hours were filled by talking with two men, one who voluntarily told me he was gay and was open about it and his married friend and I took it as they were friends and nothing more. I also bumped into the ex tax collector for the city who was also local theater with my wife His wife just loved the Louise image, but he seemed to be uncomfortable, it could have been the fact that he just had his knee replace a few weeks earlier and was uncomfortable. I did meet one other "Celebrity" there, he goes by Capt Joel Fogel, his father owned one of the largest commercial refrigeration manufacturing company's in the country and supplied all the supermarkets with them. He's a would famous explorer, he was so impressed with me he had to give me his business card. I know he's spent a lot of time in Africa, I hope he doesn't want to take me there and have me meet some cannibals.

As I went to leave, the big guy from downstairs was waiting for me, again he grabbed me and started to introduce me to some of the biker group, I really doubt I'm interested being someones "biker bitch" but it was courageous on his part to accept me for what I am, I'm sure he was harmless, but I wasn't going to find out, I excused myself and left.

Louise

The Crab Trap

The Crab Trap in Somers Point, NJ is one of my favorite places to go on Friday and Saturday nights, I'm just one of the girls.

Food & Wine convention

I guess with all the food shows I go to you must think I'm getting fat, well you guessed right, I need to get on a diet and exercise routine.

Sunday 10 19 08, my wife got a call from a friend he had passes for us to go to the food show at the AC Convention Center. It was really a disgrace, it was about half what is was when they started a few years ago, admission is 18.00 and parking is 10.00, most people go with another person so 50 bucks is just not in every one's budget for such a small show.

Anyway, I didn't realize the also had a wine tasting (private) area, but with the passes we had we were allowed entry. The vendors were giving a small sample of what they distributed, but Louise was offered at least a half glass at every section she went to (I did visit the Amaretto) station 4 times. As I staggered out, my wife said my feet were crocked and to "GIVE ME THE Key's, your drunk).

Afterwards we met a friend for dinner (more food).

Another Epicurian

Monday my wife and I (Louise) went to another dinner function. I was greeted at the registration table with a big Hi Louise, please sign in here, by one of the offices of the group.

It is so rewarding to be accepted by "traditional" people, just her little acknowledgement allowed other people who may or may not be aware of what I am to become more comfortable with me. I am finding the more I stay the same, the more people change.

One other interesting fact was that Frank LoBiano or local Congressman was also there, we had met a few times before and one day he happened to be at the gym I go to as myself (Lou). I had to acknowledge him and said we had met before, he of course did as I do and said " you look familiar (trying to be polite) but I just can't place you, so I said this will help refresh your memory and handed my Louise card to him. He laughed and now he's much more comfortable with me. He greeted me with a big smile and hand shake as he said "we've met before".

October Epicurian Dinner

Out of mouths of babes and NYC

My wife and I went up to NNJ this weekend for our grand daughters 3 rd birthday. I had also promised an old acquaintance (another) CD I would go to dinner and a play with her on Sunday, she's a very senior citizen and gets tickers for 5.00 dollars.

My family and I went to breakfast at the same famous "Pancake house" *The Kid from Brooklyn" goes to. I was hoping he would be there. After breakfast we went home where my GD open some more presents from the party the day before (Saturday).

I had to meet my friend about 3 PM at the CDI apartment in NYC just a block from Port Authority bus terminal. I started to dress and was done about 1:30 or so. As I came out of the bedroom which is off the living room of my kids place, my grand daughter looks at me, smiles and says "Pop pop, you have hair" then she said "pop pop, your silly" she also wanted to touch my hair and said it wasn't real. I have to say, for a 3 year old she is sharp and has a good way of expressing herself. Her mother was there also and later my wife said absolutely nothing was mentioned after I left. I really wanted to try to avoid my GD from meeting Louise at least till she was older, but maybe she will be accepting, I guess I'll find out.

I got to the city without fan fare, whether people noticed or not I'm not sure, I know one girl had to because I kept staring at her, she was about 6'1 and stunning and I couldn't take my eye's off of her, she smiled at me and then started to read her book. I got to my destination right on time.

My friend, Joanna and I had a glass of wine, talked for a few minutes and then took a walk to B&H Camera store, if you haven't been there you have no idea what you're missing, they must do 1-3 million dollars a day in business. We had also walked through a street flea market, it was interesting and when I was up there before I went with my wife. As I was looking for my friend who was looking at other booths a gentleman came up to me and asked if I wouldn't mind him taking my picture. Of course Louise loves attention and to model so he took a picture and gave me his card so I could email for it, but Louise is a step ahead (usually) and gave him one of mine. About 2 hours later as we were going to the theater my phone rang and it was him, he said if I was in town for a few days he would like for me to come to his studio to model, I had to decline his invitation for a couple reasons, first I was leaving after the play and I pretty much know what he would have wanted for a gratuity for his service and I'm just not about that.

I got to my son's home about 10 PM and after loading the car we got home about 2 AM, we took about a 1 hour nap at a rest stop.

Catching up on interesting things

Without knowing me personally it's very hard to feel and know what my feelings are when I'm Louise. If you read some of my Blog posts you'll notice I sometimes mention how poorly I had always been treated as Lou.

A couple weeks ago I went to a street fair in Margate, NJ where my business was, I met a bunch of my old customers and surprisingly they had asked me about Louise, they always gave me a hard time as Lou. I met a lady who my wife knew from a store close to hers and gave her my card thinking she knew me, but she didn't. I felt I had to show her Louise in person, so a few days later I walked into her store as Louise. She just melted and mentioned a few times that I looked exactly like a woman and would have never known if I hadn't shown my picture to her before.

That same day I had my photography club meeting in Cherry Hill, NJ but also my insurance agent wanted to meet me for dinner and discuss a new policy, yes, I went as Louise. He had seen me once before a few years ago dressed, but this time he said (as I sat across from him in the booth) I don't know if I should hit on you or sell you insurance. This guy is an "Insurance Salesman" they have no sense of humor so I really considered that a compliment. I mentioned I would like to meet his wife (they live 5 miles away from the restaurant) so he took me to his home. The main reason was because he has mentioned Louise to her and she commented a few times I had to be gay. I was prepared to meet a hostile person who was going to great me with an attitude, As I walked in, she was standing far back from the front door, about 15 ft as I expected, she took one look at me and almost ran to hug me and draged me into her kitchen, she couldn't do enough for me, wine, cheese and so on. We had a great conversation and I know she formed an entirely different opinion of what being a "cross dresser" may be.

The next place was my camera club meeting, I got there about 45 Min's late. Unfortunately one of the members who I really consider very formidable in his skills and knowledge as a photographer and the biggest and strongest person there who happens to be of a different race whom I'm sure would have had objections if he was treated with prejudice had to make a rude comment "don't let that lady in" I really felt that was uncalled for, I have been to about 4 previous meetings as Louise and everyone has become very accepting and comfortable with her. Anyway, after the meeting one of the members wanted my picture and I will post it here.

The final experience last week was at the Family Center I belong to, it has a health club and my wife takes a couple of classes with the person who recognized me as Louise at the Epicurean dinner we went to last month. My wife and her and some others were at a demonstration for one of the classes and I went over to the lady and said hi, she said I'm sure I know you, but you have to help me remember, what's interesting, she knew me as Louise at the dinner but had no clue at the gym until I gave her my card with a Louise picture on the front. She was ecstatic and we both laughed at the paradox.

That's it till next episode, Louise

I know I look good BUT!

I think I just received one of the more flattering comments made to my by a very nice person but unfortunately we're not compatible and I really would prefer to think of it as an expression of his admiration rather than his intent.

He is a photographer who has seen me in public venues and is definitely very straight. Like many middle aged people he is a divorced father and has custody of his children, I only mention this so it is understood he is an upstanding person and like everyone has a little baggage. With that said, anyone who is alone intimately and trying to get by in life also needs some type of affection and depending on their luck, experience and so on with women tend to develop more of a compromising outlook on life.

Well I can make a short story very long, the other night I was at an event where he was and he took a few photo's of me, he then said, you really look great and I would have love to put you over a table and to have spanked your behind, Oh Boy!!!!!

He also mentioned one of the lady's had commented to him how well I presented myself and how it seemed as if everyone accepted me and welcomed me into the group.

My feelings are, I'm still Lou inside, but people see me differently as Louise and just love my image and will go out of their way for me.

09/08/08 epicurean society

I belong to the Epicurean Society as "Louise" and that is how my membership card is made out to.

The way I got involved is I had gone to a food show and the photographer there does "food" events and asked if I was interested in going to one of the events, how could Louise pass up an invitation.

As we were walking past the windows of the restaurant, my wife mentioned that everyone was staring at me, I was dressed in a VERY form fitting black dress with a flowered print short top on, the dress really showed my ASSets.

One of the couples we have met at other events sat with us, and as I was getting another glass of wine a lady walks up to me and says, did you go to Atlantic City High, I said yes, she said I was your history teacher. I was absolutely taken by surprise, I know I wasn't her best student. I asked how she recognized me, it was because of the big news paper article they had on me a few years ago and she saw my name tag. She just loved my image and was very kind.

I have to admit, for some reason, even some of my old business customers who I had conflicts with and if the could they would have tried to physically harm me, are always attracted to Louise and treat me with total dignity. My wife was very impressed.

09 05 08 Friday with my arobics classmates

Friday I was informed one of the instructors was also a singer at a lounge I have frequented. Most of my aerobics classmates know of "Louise" but haven't had the opportunity to meet her in person, I felt this was an opportune time.



I was only apprehensive of the singing instructor because I didn't want to conflict with her performance and also she seems to be very intense when I've talked with her and I'm not one of her most popular acquaintances.



So in I come and one of the first groups I bump into is a woman who's brother is a friend of mine, she had met Louise once before and she introduced me to the other 3 older lady's at her table. Just to interject, one of the experiences I have come across is that if you are introduced by a person who others respect you're a (shoe) in.



As I checked out the rest of the people at the bar and started to talk with a couple other lady's and again was introduced to a couple others. Surprisingly the singing fitness trainer was very complimentary and liked my outfit, she had a gown on and I mentioned I wanted to try it on, I finally got a laugh out of her.



I wanted to go to another restaurant/lounge so I was saying good night when one of the lady's who just met me started to say,



"I was told your a cross dresser and if I had to pick out a cross dresser in this group, it would not have been you".



What a compliment, I never pretend I pass, especially by the way I walk and talk, I've tried to soften my walk but I remain stiff somewhat like James Cagney who was a dancer but was also so stiff when he walked or danced, it's just a trait I can't change, my voice in some situations for some reason does work and many times if I'm sitting people won't realize I'm a male when talking with me. She also mentioned she was from London and was a physiologist and when she worked for a hospital, they used to strap cross dressers down to a metal box spring dressed and electrically shock them to try to get them to think differently. She asked if she could contact me about the subject, so I gave her my card and we'll see how interested she is.

I'm Popular

Yesterday I did photography for my bike club group, the one that accepts me as Louise and Lou. As I was getting my camera there was an older couple parked next to me and the gentleman saw my camera and commented about it and asked if I was a photographer, my answer was I make a better model, I'm not a Kodak moment as Lou, they laughed. I said well you know a picture is worth a 1000 words, I got one of my business cards out (now remember, these people are old, 75+ and we're in a county park about 30 miles from my home area) she looked at the picture on the front and then my name on the back and threw her arms up and said "my best friend sees you in Somers Point and always tells me how nice you are, I can't believe I met you as you, wait till I tell her" she raved about me, her husband was just as impressed. I went back to Millie (my wife) who was sitting at the picnic bench and told her the in counter I just had, she rolled her eye's before I could finish saying you didn't show your picture, and after I finished the story she was as surprised as I was.

And people wonder why I love to Cross Dress and share it.

Saturday night 08 23 08

Just a quick update. I went with my wife (Millie) to the Crab Trap Saturday night, it's usually a different group of people than on Friday nights. I like walking and working the bar so to speak, if I catch some one's eye it gives me a chance to introduce myself.

I was surprised at how many people feel comfortable with me, anyway, a woman comes up to me and asks if I graduated Atlantic High at a curtain year, I said yes, we were classmates. What's interesting is this person (very nice BTW) never talked to me in school, maybe I should have been Louise when in High School.

I intimidated a police Captian

Friday nights I go out to a couple local "traditional" lounges as Louise. I must meet or be introduced to 50 new people a night, I lose tract and rarely remember a name or profession.

This past Friday I was in Somers Point at an upscale restaurant that has a nice dance band. I was "working the bar" just to talk, when a person who has met me before said, let me introduce you to some friends of mine. It was a gentleman with his wife and sister in law, we talked for a few minuets and finally he told me that they had seen me for a couple years at different lounges and were always afraid to talk with me. It turned out that he was a just retired police Captain from the Camden Police department, when I last checked, I think Camden was one of the top ten city's in the nation for the higest crime rate, I didn't think I was that scary, maybe I better check my mirror again?

Anyway, we talked a couple hours and he wants me to arm wrestle a friend of his because his friend embarrasses him where ever he goes because he challenges everyone to arm wrestle, I don't think I'm that tough, but it would be a hoot if I did beat this person, being a mature, 5'3 tall guy in a dress.

I intemidated a police Captian

I intimidated a police Captain

Follow up A first,I did it

Well, the young person called me again and begged me to please bail him out, apparently all the "friends" and choices he has made in his adult life have been the wrong one's. I had tried to express to him when we first met that it would be beneficial that he take a different path and that the people he had aligned himself with were not looking out for his benefit.

My thoughts again were, 300.00 bucks were not going to change my lifestyle, but could be enough to destroy him.

I called to confirm that the 1000.00 dollar judgement had been removed and was told that someone had "taken care of it" and the balance was 30.00 dollars. You can't call into these facility's so I decided to drive out with 300.00 as I was first told in case the 30 was a mistake. As I was on my way, the person called me and I explained the balance, he said it was wrong, I talked with him as I went into the facility and confirmed on the phone while talking with the receptionist, she would not clarify how the difference became so little, but I did confirm he was going to be released that night.

I had to leave, there's about a 2-3 hour processing period and it was already 7 PM, I asked about transportation for him and she said he will get a bus ticket. The next day he text ed me a message thanking me. I do have to talk with this kid and see if I can somehow impact to how important it is for him to return to possibly a trade school like the culinary institute we have here and focus on getting a job.

My whole take on this, is that it may have all been prevented if the police are allowed to show some discretion and sympathy for certain situations, I don't know the real story here, but I can see lots of contributory negligence on all sides especially from the powers to be.

(1) why would a person be charged with a crime if they are trying to prevent one.
(2) how can a 1300.00 bail amount be dropped to 30.00 dollars, if that was all the judgement
was the crime had to be very minor, why lock someone up for 2 days.
(3) I did ask if that was a 10% amount that is usually posted but was told that was the TOTAL amount.
(4) I spoke with a social worker and asked if she would at least pass my phone number to him so I could explain what had happened and that I did try to help him out the day before, but it was never delivered.
(5) Something is broke here, I now really have major concerns that the general public is at the mercy of a policed state and little by little due to creeping controls we are losing all of our liberty's as we had known them. The police are afraid to error on the side of rational and tend to over react to many situations.

I have absolutely no knowledge of law, but unless you're financially capable to afford the best, and let me tell you, you will pay through the nose for it, you are going to be intimidated beyond belief and will lose everything you hold dear including your liberty.

A first

I was contacted by a young man, 21 at the time, who wanted help with cross dressing about a year and a half ago. Well we're all curious about other CD's so I said I'll meet you and if I feel I can help I will and introduce you to my wife who does the makeup.

He seemed to be a nice kid, but I was very afraid of him, I don't want to sound judgemental but look we all are, he looked what is termed a "wigger" (I think it's spelled), he wore the baggy pants under his butt and talked in the speak they use, he also have a very large tattoo that covered about 30-40% of one arm.

Well I helped him and took some pictures and then took him home. I blocked my SN from him, but he had my phone number (my mistake) again my wife has met him so it's not like we were doing anything inappropriate. I got a call today from the Atlantic County correction facility, I heard the message and hung up twice, but the third time I finally answered. It was him. He was locked up for taking his GF's purse so she wouldn't drive drunk, she pressed charges. He asked if I would post 300 bail, I said I would need to think about it. I called my wife and explained the situation and thought to myself, for a lousy 300 bucks this kids life could be destroyed in a place like that, he's not very strong, very thin and had a very bad car accident which almost cut his legs off, so he has very little strength in them. I began to weep and said I want to save his life.

I drove out to the prison and told them I would post his bail, the receptionist looked up the record and said it was 1285.00, I said he told me 300, she said yes, for this one, but he jumped bail on another one and owes 1000.00, well I wasn't prepared.

After thinking about this I asked myself, why would the cops lock him up if they talked with his GF and she was noticeably drunk, something else is going on here.

I have no idea what to do, anyone who knows me knows even though I have my weak moments I am very sensitive towards others needs, but I don't know what to do for this poor lost soul. I'll call a social worker tomorrow to get some idea, but I think he needs to get his parents involved. I mentioned that to him originally and he told me his mother and step father were in the Pocono's.

Any advise would be welcome.

Life's a Parodox

A month ago I was invited to a party on our block. The woman's mother about my age notice my nails and mode of dress, I wear women's clothes because I like them and because of my small stature fit me better. I saw her scanning me up and down, so I mentioned I notice she noticed. I asked if she would be offended if I explained my look and she said, I'm from Brooklyn and I tech there too, I've seen it all and I understand. So, being that we were sitting at the adult table (no kids nearby) I showed her my business card which as a somewhat PG type picture on it, but again it was the Adult table. She asked me to show her other (300 ld) daughter. As soon as I did and saw her expression I realize I was used as a scapegoat to embarrass the daughter. The mother was a "bitch" and wanted to show the daughter even a guy in a dress was more attractive than her.

The next day, my wife was talking with the lady (sister) that had the party and she told my wife it was inappropriate for me to show the picture at a party where kids were. No kids ever were withing 50 feet of the Adult table and I'm not obtuse enough to know better than ever expose kids to something I feel is inappropriate, I won't even go into a men's public restroom when I'm dressed on the Parkway traveling, I ask to be escorted into the lady's room so people will be aware I'm there and I'm not looking to invade their space.

The more interesting part of this story it, our other neighbor who was very accepting of me till this incident has started to work on my wife to get me to abandon or closet my other persona. She is always full of advice and overflows with her overwhelming knowledge from her 3 marriages and this one is on very shaky ground also to her ex Green Bret Captain who claims to have "flash backs" of battles, when he never stepped foot off American soil, WTF, I do something I'm open about and people seem to like and people who have all this F*cking baggage and lie are giving me advise. I have some advise for them, get your lives together before you try to give advise to others.

An observation

A few months ago I went to a party where some children were. I dress somewhat andogenously and have women's nails. The mother who I find out later is an art instructor from Brooklyn and said she has meet many TG's noticed my direction(so to speak). I had to show (or wanted to show her what I looked like) and asked if she would be offended, that's when she told me her background and said it was fine. She insisted I show my picture to her obese daughter, about (300 lbs) who was married to some 300 lb guy who sat alone with tattoo's all over his body and looked as if wanted to kill everyone there, he was a nasty person. The next day, the sister of the big people told my wife her "fat" sister called her to complain that it was inappropriate to show my picture at a kids party, well I only showed it to the mother and sister.

My observation was, the mother wanted to embarrass her daughter by showing her that even a guy in a dress looked better than her and that it was done as a message, I just happened to be the messenger and you remember the old saying "kill the messenger"

The next part of this story is my wife's closet friend who used to support me now is causing an issue about my being myself, e got into a very heated discussion and I told her, I think outside the box, I and many other Cd's/TG's are non conformists, we like to do what we want and will never try to conform to traditional society. Why is it conformists are so unhappy and Gay's or Cd's tend to know how to make themselves happy but ain't allowed to be because we don't want to conform to people who put on a false facade.

To go further, yesterday, my wife and family went to another BD party with a ton of kids. One lady, fairly attractive about mid 40's was waring a pair of form fitting jeans with a good size hole right near the crack of her butt, I mean you talk about inappropriate dress at a children's party, that was inexcusable, but no one said a thing.

07 28 08 A very busy week

Friday, the 25 th, I was invited to a house/pool party and went as Louise with my wife Millie. The group are mostly work associates from the local hospital (I am only an acquaintance) of the home owner.

I know most of the people from going to the local lounges, and have found they are very accepting of Louise. One lady who met me for the first time brought of a woman (40 y/o) to introduce her to me, she was reasonably attractive and looked something like Liz Taylor after she got heavy. The woman looked at me like a deer caught in headlights, I said to her "don't be afraid, I'm a lesbian" the woman grabbed me and hugged me and said "so am I"( in jest I'm sure, she was all over me for the rest of the night, she said I had met her mother before she recently passed away and her mother was very attracted towards me also. The next day she called me and left a long phone message about how much fun she had.

Saturday, I was supposed to go to my friends, Heather, birthday party in Asbury Park. I had ridden my bike in the morning and was cut off by a car and went down on my right hand, it felt like it was going to be OK but I had broken 2 nails. I came home cleaned up and got dressed, went to my wife's store as Louise but noticed a nail salon across the street, so I went in to have the nails repaired. As I was sitting there I noticed a lady from the aerobics class I go to, I had shown her my pictures about a month before but she seemed to either be ignoring me or not recognizing me. After my nails dried I went over to the pedicure chair she was in and said hello, she looked with an inquisitive expression and finally said "is that Lou". She went nuts, she couldn't stop hugging me, made me step back so she could get a better look and wanted her picture with me. She showed the picture to the class a couple days later when I gave it to her.

My hand began to hurt and swell up so I felt I would have difficulty driving about 160 miles round trip to my friends (Heather) birthday, so I called and begged off.

Sunday. Millie and I were invited to a birthday party for an older lady who has cancer on her nose and she will need to have her nose removed. Last year they asked me to be Louise for the party but I went as Lou this time. I had taken a lot of pictures last year and so did other people, they were reviewing the pictures on a PC and as I was talking to a young girl about 20 I pointed to my picture as it came across and said "that's me", she said OMG, we've been looking for you, meaning her girl friend, turns out her GF's father is also a CD and is lonely and the daughter has to go out with him. She contacted the other people and I made arrangements to meet the father (Sheila), seemed to be a nice person, but he probably was very close friends with "Bud Wiser" if you get the drift, also, when I hear people in their 60's who really need to work on their appearance start to tell me they're considering SRS or GRS I tend to want to get away as fast as possible. I hate to sound prejudice, but being in the life as long as I have , I've found that usually anyone who does that has a hard time becoming happy, I'm sure they're exceptions, but it's just not my interest, I wished him the best, told him where he may find other Cd's or places he will be comfortable in and left.

Wednesday. I like to go to the Salvation Army thrift shop after my aerobics class. I was browsing the lingerie section where a woman was, I picked up a nice body briefer and the lady asked if that was my size. I said I guess you don't know me, so I pulled out one for my business cards with the picture of Louise on it. She said are you Millie's husband, yes I said, she said her and my wife used to do plays together. Turns out she sells on EBay and has a very large amount of Cd's who buy off of her, she goes by "Miss*Hortense", now what are the chances of meeting someone like that?

Night in Venice July 19, 2008

Ocean City, NJ has what is called "Night in Venice" once a year. I think it was developed as an elitist display of wealth. People will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on expensive boats and summer homes on the bay and try to show how rich they are. This year Ocean City had to offer 100.00 dollars per contestant to sign up due to the high price of fuel. Life is really a paradox, what a laugh, they gave someone with possibly a half million dollar boat a hundred bucks so he could display how ostentatious he is.

Well, Louise and Millie (wife) were invited to 2 parties, we could only do the one because of the parking restrictions in those bay areas. I must say we had a blast. Our group were mostly mature adults but next door the group was much younger, I was very surprised at the reactions I got from them, a few came over to talk with me and one brave soul had to have his pictures with me.

It was a good thing I had convinced my wife to come with me, I drank 2 bottles of wine, got home about 2 AM and then was on my bike for a 45 mile bike ride at 8 AM.

My day before the Judge

I have a very funny incident today that I need to pass on.

I was called for jury duty this week and today we had jury selection in front of the judge and lawyers and other interested parties. One person I know out of 5 who were there and know me both ways was called up to the jury box, and coincidentally, I was called next so we sat next to each other, he was concerned about people knowing about me but I'm so open if someone doesn't know me as Louise I have to announce it. Well I really didn't want to be picked to serve even though court cases can be educational, but I do have other activity's to keep me busy.

The judge preceded to explain our rights and also questioned us about being familiar with the case, lawyers, principles in the case and then if any of the potential jurors knew each other. Well me and the other person (Phil) looked at each other and then said yes to the judge. He asked what the relationship was and I said I wanted a private conference, but it had to be done with the 3 lawyers representing the case and the other juror, well, as Louise I am so confident and comfortable I said no problem. I went up to the bench and he asked me to sit and called the other people over, I said "well your honor, a picture is worth a thousand words", I carry a man bag and have 4-5 of my pictures in it, just to break balls when I can. I pulled out a picture of the just retired county prosecutor and his date with me as Louise between them, they all looked and I said "that's me in the middle" the judge looked, smiled and said "very flattering" the lawyers looked with the biggest grins on their faces, I wonder if I'll get a phone call from one wanting to question me in private (LOL). He asked if I felt it would effect the case and I said, I felt it was possible.

The Beach

I wanted to even my tan out last Friday 06/13/08, so I went down to the beach and asked someone to photo me.

Fathers Day 2008

Well I did it again, but this time wearing woman's shorts; it was a similar incident as before (see previous post).

We went to Traders Joes, it's sort of a large health food type of store, I noticed and then realized that gay people tend to take care of their health more than traditional people or that's how it looked up there. I don't want to sound prejudice but from my observation it sure looked mostly gay clientele and I fit the look.

On our way home we stopped for a break on the Parkway and I got a cup of coffee at the Burger King, the guy serving me looked like a cop or ex solder, he was thick build, one of those haircuts a cop would wear (short cropped) so I asked if he were a cop. He went into this tirade that he stopped dating women because they were unreliable and walked around the counter to talk with me, he went on to describe a woman he asked out to a show but she had some issues so he went alone. I was asking myself why he was talking about what he was, and realized he may have thought I said "TOP" and because I was dressed as I was (I looked cute) he could have been gay and hitting on me. I don't know, but I left.

My Kids are funny

I don't mind giving credit where it's due. Heather has been dressing in an androgyny’s mode as Joe, so I thought it would be interesting to try it more than I had before. I often wore woman’s shorts for about 5-6 years because they fit me better due to being petite, even as Lou as well as Louise.

The last time we visited our kid in NNJ was Mothers Day, 2008, and I wore a complete ensemble of women’s clothing, stretch jeans, women’s short sleeve jersey and women’s hierarchies (shoes). My daughter in law had been the senior buyer for Jones of NY for years and picked up on it right away. When we were about to leave from our visit she made a comment from the movie Rain Man, she and my son started a chant, "women’s jeans, yeah, yeah, women’s jeans, yeah, women’s jeans" and so on. Well of course you had to be there, it was so funny we were all rolling on the floor holding our sides laughing.

05/26/08 Sofia's

Saturday night I went out with my wife, Millie, I of course was Louise. We have been going to an upscale restaurant/lounge called Sofia's.

I had to find a parking spot so Millie got 2 seats at the bar. I came in a few minuets later and before I could sit down Sofia came over to great me, I barely had time to say hello to her when a gentleman about 50 or so introduced himself to me and asked if we had met before. I meet so many people I couldn't remember, but he said "I want to buy you a drink and come over to our table". I went over and it was a birthday for his 29 YO daughter, he introduced me to about 10 people there and it turns out he's a (get this) brain surgeon. All I know is he had me in a bear hug and was grabbing my butt and was making some comments I'm curtain if he's patients had heard they wouldn't allow him to operate on them. He was somewhat crude, but fun for that level of profession, I'm sure he's under a lot of stress and when someone like me can allow him to let loose he does. We exchanged business cards so I know he's real, he said he would contact me for any party's he may have (time will tell) I always am skeptical when people are overly gregarious towards me.

A night at a Red Neck bar

A couple weeks ago I wanted to go to a bar where a friend of mine hosts Karaoke. I had never been there before and my wife and I looked around for about 30 minuets in the area before we found it.

Brigantine never impressed me as being a "Red Neck" community, I thought because it was somewhat exclusive and expensive to live there most people would be sophisticated and the bar would be more upscale. Did I get a shock, what a dump.

As we walked in they're were people I knew who also liked Mike the karaoke guy and they asked us to sit with them. They had a friend from work with them and I've known these people just on a casual level but it goes to show you, you can't tell a book from it's cover, they are all air traffic controllers at the Tech Center near Atlantic City.

The friend of the couple looked familiar, I probably saw him at one of the other places I go to. My wife sat near him and I could tell he was fairly uncomfortable with my presence. The rest of the people at the bar were a rough looking crowd also.

One of my compulsions is I just need to walk around and push myself on others, if I see them looking at me. I'm not rude at all, but I know they want to talk with me so I need to present myself in a way that allows them to communicate. My opening comment may vary depending on how I think the people may react, I may say, Hi, I'm Louise and offer my hand, or, I may say, do we know each other, so that I can get a statement back like "No" and I will say would you like to? That usually brings a few laughs and breaks the ice.

As I was roaming around, I guess the guy where my wife was, started to question her about me and our relationship, by the time I got back he was a lot more comfortable. I bumped into one couple I knew, I went to school with the guy and another one who was gay, but not out.

The night was fun and when we were ready to leave I wanted to say good night to one lady I spoke with, as I said good night there were 3 really rough looking guys next to her, one grabbed me and said, my buddy wants his picture with you, turned out they were very friendly, I would have had fun with them but it was time to go. Oh he did a picture with his phone and had to break his buddies' chops by saying it was being posted on the net.

My spin Instructress

My wife and I have been going to an upscale restaurant lounge in Margate. I belong to a Community Center health club where I do spin and aerobics. My spin instructor is engaged to an old customer of mines son, they came to the lounge to see me as Louise. They were quite impressed or at least seemed to be.

Bewildered in a good way

I have to break up the last few weeks into different posts or else no one will read any of it.

My wife and I as Louise went to another Epicurean Society banquet ( I joined as a member). To my surprise everyone, even some of the purveyors who were displaying some items for chefs were very polite to me.

As we walked in I noticed a person I thought was an ex customer of mine, he was seated or else I would have known it wasn't him. Being polite I said hello and asked how he was, he was very polite and said I'm not that person. He then showed me his name tag and he was the Dean of the Atlantic Community Collage, I was a little embarrassed but he was a gentleman towards me and said it was nice to meet me.

Another acquaintance was there whom I know from the club my wife used to work at, this lady writes an article for the society and her husband just retired as a State Trooper.

Dinner was fair and I don't like to over eat as Louise anyway. My photographer friend was there and he was kind enough to photo me a few times.

As we were getting ready to leave, I wanted to introduce my wife (Millie) to the main Chef and said, Chef Jeff, this is my wife, he looked and said "I'm confused" I don't really know what he meant, either he always thought I was a female or I was gay and not married, I'm not sure, but I'll have to ask next time.

How funny

Oh my god..I have been meaning to write you back or call you...I DID have a conversation with both Kathy AND Erwin..seperately.. It was soooo funny.. You may have scarred Erwin for life! Kathy called me after you and I had spoken last and asked me if I remembered you..I told her that you and I have been put together, randomly, during one of my golf outings to the Seaview Marriot course. Since I usually play alone, I told her they pair me up with other people. So, I said that you and your buddies were out there, and I just got paired up with the three of you. I told her that in our conversations throughout the day, that you mentioned you used to own a gas station, and I had told you that I was in the Underground tank business here at DEP. I told her, that I gave you my # and if you ever wanted to golf again, or needed help with any DEP issues, to give me a call, and that was the last I heard of you until 2007, when you called about your old site issues.. She said "is that all??" I said, yes, "why?" She said, he didnt mention any "alter egos?" I said, "Kathy, what the hell are you talking about?" then she started to laugh and state that she and Erwin had gone to the site to meet you and your consultant, or the other RP's consultant or whatever. She said, "well, we got there and there was this well dressed lady there with the consultant, so I went over to them and introduced myself, and new right away, something was amiss..or a Miss...no pun intended!".. She said that she introduced herself, but then said something, like, she didnt get your name?? and you said.."Lou Tate!" She said she knew right away that you were a man, but wasnt sure if Erwin realized it right away, until you said you were Lou Tate!.. To your Credit..she said that if it werent for your larger hands, she would have thought you were just a well dressed older Jewish woman!! (Is that the look you were going for that day?? lol??!) Kathy, of course, wanting to be professional about the whole thing, said to herself, "well, no big deal, lets just move on!" She said she kept looking at Erwin, and he just looked really dazed and confused..I guess they had a big laugh in the car on the way home, as that may have been a first in DEP history.... to meet on site, with a crossdresser! See Louise..you gave the DEP something to talk about for years! Of course she kept grilling me, and asking if I was into that sort of thing as well! So, I did my best "Deny, deny, deny" approach. Then, I was downstairs having a soda on break, and saw Erwin come into the cafeteria. I called him over and asked how things were going. in his typical stoic self, he said, "fine" and sat down.. I asked him how his cases were going, and tried to make small talk, but he acted like he knew that I knew something!? So, I asked him, "if he had an interesting meeting last week?" then he started to smile and asked what I meant.. Then, I said, "you met an acquiantance of mine?" then he just smiled and got all red!... He said "let me ask you, Has that ever happened to anyone else in the history of DEP?" I then started to laugh, and said," not that I know of, you are the first case manager that I know that has met a CD on site!" He just said "why me??!" I said, whats the big deal? He had no answer, as of course, it's NOT a big deal really. But he was just beside himself. I asked if he knew what was up when he got on site, and I asked him how you were dressed...he said, you had your nails done, jewelry, nice clothes..heels..but the hands gave it away!..lol.. Maybe you need gloves next time!? lol...He did say you were dressed very nice...I didnt want to say, that " I know, she always dresses nice!" as that would definitely give me away. I think you shocked the poor guy for life. He'll never have another meeting on any other site with any other RP and NOT think of his meeting with you. I kinda wish I had been there..I asked if he had the DEP camera with him, and he said he didnt, but wishes he did, because no one would have believed it!...(actually, you might have even posed for a nice pic, knowing you!).. anyway...I am sorry I didnt get back to you sooner, I have been swamped at work, and also, have not had much fun as Tonya lately. I did go on line and do a makeover! here are some pics..which styles/colors do you like the best? How do you like me in glasses?! lol...Actually, I think they are sexy in a librarian sort of way! I like the red curly hair...I think that looks cute on me..anyway..I WILL get down there to see you..I promise. I dont have that many OTHER friends...I promise you...Love ya..Ton.

My Day in Philadelphia

Friday (04/18/08) I had gone to Philadelphia for a Photoshop seminar. It turned out that it was more for graphic artists than for photographers so it was like a whole new area of study.As I was on the train on the way up we had made a number of stops, on one of the first ones I notice a blond woman and a middle eastern gentleman board the train, but never paid any attention to them. I used the rest room before we got into Philly because I wasn't sure where they were or if I would be able to used the lady's without difficulty. As I was closing the door to go back to my seat I heard two people call my name, I turned and it was the couple who had boarded earlier, turned out it was a woman I've known for over 20 years that I race bike with, but with her being out of cycling clothes and helmet I never recognized her, but she had seen pictures of me and I tend to have an unforgettable look so they recognized me. I offered the woman my card but her companion a emergency room doctor took it and said he wanted to invite me to his house parties because we knew many of the same people.

Well, I finally get to the Philadelphia Convention Center and the schedule was an hour later than what was on the ticket, so I had time to kill. I went to the Terminal Market that has many Pennsylvania Dutch vendors and got a bagel with cream cheese, the lady's were very polite and the one who waited on me insisted she toast my bagel while she made small talk with me.

When I finally got into the conference hall I wanted to sit near the front, but all the isle seats were taken, I chose to sit where a late 30's early 40's man sitting one seat over, I didn't want to make him uncomfortable or make it look as if I was "cruising" which I don't do. About 5 minuets later a middle aged attractive lady asked if that seat between us was vacant and I offered it to her. The guy sitting on her right started a conversation with her about her reason for being at the seminar, which happened to be the same as mine (photography) he mentioned he was a GA, he asked what camera she owned and I commented I owned the same brand, she all of a sudden started to ignore the other person and started conversing with me even through some of the seminar. She asked me if I would mind if she contacted me after wards so I gave her my card.\

I just can't understand why in most cases, when I'm Louise, people are always gracious towards me and even go out of their way to be polite and even make gestures that I have never received as Lou, I have to admit, I have often been alone and thought about it or talked with my wife about how kind people are to Louise and have had tears in my eye's. I had asked my wife one time, I wonder how my life would have been if I were not born Lou, and have just sobbed because of knowing how hard Lou struggled to be able to be accepted as a human being.

After an hour we were offered a break, I needed the rest room bad. I was going to use the lady's but as you know it was packed and I just didn't need some hysterical woman yelling FIRE if she saw me walk in there and made me as a male in a dress. I then proceeded into the men's room short hallway, as I did a man said loudly "Ma'am you're going into the men's room, I ignored him and as I opened the door another man was pulling from the inside and looked right into my eye's and said "Miss this is the men's room, I smiled, another man behind the first one yelled the same thing, I turned and smiled. I waited in a line for a stall, a few men turned to looked then must have figured me out, I finally got into a stall and could hear a few commenting that a lady was in the stall. It was a hoot.

I forgot to mention, on the way into the main terminal up the escalator into the train station there were about 5 police with machine guns and then a few using wands and searching passengers luggage who were going onto a train, the Pope apparently was traveling or possibly the presidential candidates. I was waved by (go figure).

I got a taxi back to the train station and was sitting waiting for my train to board, a black lady walked by and obviously recognized my gender, she put her belongings on the other side of the isle and then came over to me and offered her business cards, she's a casting director and has worked with Bill Crosby and asked me to send some head shots and a resume, but I doubt anything will come of it, but again it was a gesture Lou would have never received.

Me and the EPA (Enviormental Protection Agency)

If some don't know I had owned some auto repair shops and one I also owned the property. I had purchased it way before the EPA even existed, but then the laws changed and all of a sudden I had an issue with contamination.

Over my years of being out and meeting and talking with people I met a person who is also a CD whom I hired as my environmental consultant. I also met another CD who works for the State EPA, and has reviewed my case.

Yesterday, April 16 2008, I had an onsite meeting with 2 people from the EPA but I did so as "Louise" because for some reason Louise seems to carry more influence when doing business. Well, the male EPA official also knows my friend who reviewed my case and said he had met me on a golf event when he was here with some other EPA employees. This case worker looked as if he had never developed a sense of humor and was pretty much a conformist in whatever level of life he associated with. In other words he went to work did his job and came home, that looks as if it's the extent of his life.

When he met me all he could do was smile, not a grin, but the broadest smile from ear to ear for the whole 1 1/2 hours, he asked me no less than 3 times if I was who I was on the files and then asked me about a golf tournament with this other EPA State employ, all I could say is "I can swing a club"

I doubt if I got any benefit other than they were very polite and did offer some information as to how they could help to expedite closing the books. The State employees do need to follow rules but they do have knowledge as to the best ways handle situations.

I had to call my other friend about the connection the male EPA officer made so that he could have a good story ready. It will be very interesting who the conversation goes and how my case worker acts when he is talking with my (so called) golf buddy.

I'm on Fire

I went out Saturday night to a Cross Dresses event in Tom's River. When I walked into the Hotel there were a number of Firemen with a professional photographer. They were mostly the officers of the Fire stations, they asked if they could have their pictures with me. Understand there were about 35-40 other CD's there but they chose me, I guess "I lit their FIRE"

Most likely an end

A little over 2 years ago I had met a person on line who had a lot in common with myself. We arranged a meeting with our wife's at a neutral location. I at that time was not curtain if I was attracted to him and I'm sure the feeling was mutual. I had been looking for around 9 or 10 years for this type person and when finally meeting someone so close it was like a stroke of luck.

We talked on line and met at my home. Well after seeing him in person and how our interaction developed it was love at first sight for me. I really don't consider myself gay or Bi, but have become very open minded as Louise which has transferred to me as Lou. This person did inform me he was very Bi sexual and had a number of encounters which I informed him that I was not really into and preferred exclusivity, he said that would be difficult for him, so I have to admit I was walking on thin ice if I was to allow myself to get to involved. I do tend to be on the possessive side and was hoping by me satisfying all and any of his needs and being safe, clean, mature, stable (a matter of opinion) that I could win him over to being exclusive to me.

Anyway, I have voluntarily (as an armature photographer) taken thousands of pictures for him, taken he and his wife out in public for his first experience's so he could develop a comfort level in those environments, in a way I was his mentor. His presentation and appearance in my opinion was one of the best, a great figure and a good look and manners.

Over that time I had felt that he was developing very quickly to the point where he was no longer in need of our relationship, instead of him coming to me, and I realize his work constraints made if difficult, I would travel to him. But it was becoming painfully obvious I was losing someone who was very special to me. For example, he doesn't IM me any longer ( he used to almost daily) when I IM him he gives me one or to word replies ( yeah, busy), he makes many posts to Yahoo groups he monitors but has no time to say hello, how was your weekend or how do you feel?

They're are a lot of negative aspects to our relationship, but both our wives are aware of it but not to the full extent I suspect. Maybe I do it for sexual needs but my feelings are far beyond that, what his reasons are I think are more about the high or power he really has even though he claims to be a submissive.

The feelings I am experience now are that he is tired of me, to use his words when I questioned what happened with his other relationships was "we moved on" I have to assume that means he has moved on and is looking for others, for what reason I don't know, but I treat friends much differently, I like to share what I have and can hopefully do to add to there lives. I try not to ask for favors and I have to say my friend never really directly asked but did make suggestions as to things he would like or want to do. I did ask a favor though and even though he said he could help me with it he said or indicated it would take time and then he let it rest. I also just yesterday sent an IM for him to call if he would like to come down for the afternoon for dinner with his wife and child, not only didn't he respond to my IM but he never even called to say he couldn't which left me not knowing if he was or not. Yes I could have called him, but he did get my message and I had also mentioned it on Friday when he called me about a problem he had.

I also find it unsettling that he will make posts about things he has done and posts many of my pictures but has never given me recognition for all I have helped or done for him, maybe I'm on the wrong side of this, but it's not as if he is not looking for something that I gladly offer at anytime. Instead he is willing to travel uncharted waters with people of questionable back grounds or health history, even though he says his plays safe I do question that.

I always blame myself, people always tend to walk on me no matter what I try to do, I mentioned that to him the other day and he said without reservation or sensitivity "maybe I let them" well I guess when you offer your heart to someone you have to expect that, why would I expect someone to treat something I give with the same consideration I have for them.

I can only say in ending, I know I will not meet another person as this, it is my bad luck and even though I have memory's I still feel I have lost something I always wanted but couldn't have. I can only say, my heart is very broken, I wanted to give so much for this to work, to help me feel wanted, for me to give to someone all I could within reason. To me this was so much more than just an intimacy relationship, but maybe he felt I was getting to deep, I don't know. I know he is very capable of manipulating words, making things better or just dropping me and the whole subject, he seems to be non selective so anyone or thing is fine with him, where as I tend to be very selective so it's harder for me to develop what I'm looking for.

Cycling Club Christmas Party

I went to my Cycling Club Christmas Party as Louise December 15th. I ride with two groups, this one loves me as Louise, the other group has issues, but I thing the issues are with themselves, I'm Lou either way.

A quote I have thought up.

"Why is it many people are unhappy when you are and happy when you aren't"

I just can't understand why many people have issues when you find something that makes you happy but because it might be somewhat non traditional that they need to criticize it. As Lou I still feel pain, my heart hurts when broken, I am happy when my family and others are, I suffer from financial concerns on those of my family, in others words just because I like to wear a dress sometimes and have fun I am still a contributor to society. I also still as Lou or Louise am attracted to what I'm attracted to, so why all the fuss, do I bring out unique thoughts in others that they feel uncomfortable admitting to? Fortunately, I have very few acquaintances of that type, most people I meet as Louise seem to fall in love with me.

A busy few months

I've had some very interesting events since December. I have a female doctor (divorced) who is very open minded, she is 45 Y/O. I had introduced Louise to her because she just had that look as if she was into alternative lifestyle, I can't explain it but it's something like "gaydare". I mentioned to her an event in Philly the Diobolique Ball and she asked to go with me so my wife Millie made her up and we had a great time. Our relationship was and is totally platonic. We have been out a couple times since but I am always Louise.

I was also hired for two parties, one a birthday party and the other I was asked to hand out Pollyanna gives for a manager of a local restaurant.

They're are so many details but to go into them here would be very boring so I'll just cut to the chase.